This is the Worm of Measurement.
He's not an "inchworm" because he has both inches and centimeters on his tummy, see.
See? (According to the Worm of Measurement, I am 24 inches tall and I weigh 13 pounds, 10 ounces. I have no idea how the Worm knows my weight.)
The Worm of Measurement used to belong to Riley. Dad says that over the course of a year, Riley replaced every last bit of his stuffing with her own saliva.
Ba ha ha ha ha!
Saliva stuffing!
If I really understood what that meant, I probably wouldn't be holding the Worm of Measurement at all, let alone chewing on him!
But I don't understand what that means, so ...
Om nom nom nom!
Mom and Dad got out the bed sheet!
It's about time.
Dad slapped on his 50mm f/1.2, but ...
He did _not_ set it to f/1.2!
I discussed this travesty with KangaRangaRoo and Joey.
Eventually, I got over it.
Then I proceeded to go through the classic baby advertisement poses.
"I choose Melissa and Doug toys because I'm worth it."
"I don't always pour baby formula all over my feet and face, but when I do, I prefer Earth's Best organic soy."
"Someone pooped in my diaper."
The more creative half of Onion Basket Photography decided to point her camera at me.
I was ready for her. I even smiled!
Dad's nose got stuck in my cheek for a moment.
That made me a little sad ...
... but dad bounced me around to make me feel better ...
... and then it happened again.
I now use my powerful, abundant cheeks to express how I feel.
This is happy.
Incredulous.
Stay away from my mobile, tough guy.
I flopped a straight and the guy across the table's got nothing.
What did I SAY about my mobile, big chief?
I will eat pizza in four months.
Can you believe the schnook who tried to use my mobile?
Tell me more about pizza.
This is just gas.
EXCELLENT.
This isn't really an emotion. I'm impersonating those cat statues in the Chinatown storefronts.
Also gas.
Yeah. Gas.
I'm SPENT. Bring me some pizza.